* No winter lasts forever and no spring skips its turn. Says the Psalmist, “Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5) Not that crisis is overturned or grief completed literally overnight, but our hope during the dark nights of the soul is that morning will come, that winter must give way to spring. When we lived in West Palm Beach, FL I missed the four seasons. There’s something about the seasonal transitions that reminds you that life reflected in God’s design of nature operates in stages and cycles. Sometimes the only thing we’ve the strength or faith to muster is putting one foot in front of another till we look up one morning and find ourselves in a new day and a new place.
*Couples often get stuck in mutual blame. Mutual finger-pointing and blaming is the byproduct of being more anxious to confess our spouse’s sin than our own. Jesus warned us that it would be hard to see the speck of sawdust in our partner’s eye when we have the Daytona boardwalk protruding from our own cornea. Where I see couples make breakthroughs is the moment when at least one partner acknowledges his/her contribution to the problem. Every couple enters my office convinced that they’re sitting beside the real reason they are in counseling. When a husband and wife both humble themselves and take ownership of their own attitude, behavior, and speech, that is when they break the log jam. Yes, the one in their eyes too.
* Failure is not humbling; grace is humbling. The corresponding shame & guilt from sin or failure deliver humiliation, not humility. It is the experience of grace that truly humbles us.
* Most couples have a hot button topic or sensitive issue. This is the place where almost all arguments that last longer than 20 minutes eventually wind up. It’s like the argument has a GPS system and will ultimately find its way to the touchy theme even if it takes the scenic route to do it. The couple’s remarkable ability in this reminds me of those occasional stories of lost dogs who miraculously find their way home despite being misplaced on another continent. This expert navigation skill means there is an unresolved issue and/or an unforgiven grudge. Until it is effectively addressed, it will come out of retirement more often than Brett Favre.
* Perhaps the greatest impediment and saboteur of the joyful life and the fulfilling relationships God offers and desires for us is Resentment. Number two is probably Fear. Bitterness and the rehearsal of offenses are toxic to the soul and to relationships. Fear causes us to shrink ourselves, thus forcing us to settle for small lives, miniature goals, and tiny joys.
* Every engaged or newlywed couple believes that they are THE exceptional couple--the soaring romance, the supreme marriage to which all others, current and future, will be compared. But believing you are exceptional does not make you so. Exceptional couples do what ordinary couples do not KNOW to do or are UNWILLING to do. So, what are you doing differently and better than the average couple?... keeping in mind that the average American couple will be divorced within 7 years of the wedding of the century.
* When you know that you are loved, you can handle almost anything. No manner of success fills in the void left by love. But many loved failures have found the strength to fight another day.
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