For Men Only: Vital Info

Sharon Randall, a journalist, sifted through decades of her own marriage experience, old columns, and letters from readers to compile “25 Tips on How to Stay Married” as a wedding gift for her young friend, Steve.

I’ve selected some from Sharon’s list and added many of my own based on what women tell me. Men, you aren’t expected to memorize all these plays so do what quarterbacks do--laminate the list to your forearm. Ladies, in case your man doesn’t find this column on his own, feel free to tape it (with your lipstick kiss imprint on it) to the mirror. (In my next column I’ll share my 16 tips with the wives, culled from the secret wishes and desires of men everywhere.)

The MAN List

1. Always put her first—before work, friends, even basketball. Act as if she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you, because we all know she is.

2. Pick your fights with care. Play fair. Show some class. Hurtful words can be forgiven, but they’re hard to forget.

3. Fall in love again every day. Kiss her in doorways. Flirt with her at parties. Tell her she’s beautiful. Then tell her again.

4. Never miss an anniversary or a birthday or a chance to make a memory. Memories may not seem important now, but one day they’ll be gold.

5. Never give her a practical gift. If she really wants a vacuum cleaner, let her pick it out herself. Watch this funny piece entitled Men in the Dog House www.youtube.com/watch?v=SecVCh9dg4I

6. Love her parents as your own, but don’t ask them for money. Never criticize her family or friends. On her birthday, send flowers with a note to her mother saying, “Thank you for giving birth to the love of my life.”

7. Always listen to her heart. If you’re wrong, say you’re sorry; if you’re right, shut up.

8. Never criticize, correct, or interrupt her in public.

9. Remember that people are often the least lovable when they are in the most need of love.

10. Examine your relationship as often as you change the oil in your car. Don’t let it run low on anything or let anything go unrepaired. A relationship is not a cactus you can put near a window and forget about; it must be nurtured.

11. Don’t raise your voice unless you are on fire. Try whispering when you argue. Just try it.

12. Kiss her at least 10 seconds a day—all at once or spread out.

13. Shampoo her hair or massage her feet. She will tell all her friends about it and their husbands will hate you.

14. Honor and affirm her publicly and in social gatherings. Playful put-downs are still put-downs.

15. Don’t wait for Hallmark to tell you when to buy fresh cut flowers. A $3.99 bouquet from Kroger’s presented at random during the year will score you big points.

16. Admit to her that you’re baffled by her expressed need for “romance” because you’re not exactly sure what that is. She’s told you that romance is not the same thing as sex or the prelude to sex so now you’re really confused.